(TW:Just a heads up, this vent will contains mention of mental health, bullying, disrespect of the dead, Columbine, and sibling cruelty. Do not read if you are triggered by these things.)
I hate life so much. I want to scream and cry and yell like a dick but my parents won't let me. They say they let me be angry or sad but get mad and yell at me for crying. What asses. My mom is scared of the word autism despite her knowing that I have it. (She isn't hateful toward autistics she is just scared of the phrase) Here are some other things ticking me off:
1.My friends have been ignoring me and the friend I have a crush on hasnt talked to me. I'm insecure about admiting my crush on him. One of my friend's mom passed away some weeks ago, and I accidentally disrespected her. I have been saying sorry, and she forgives me, but I worry that deep down, she hates me now. I've wanted to socialize so bad but I don't know what to say, and I'm insecure about sharing my interests and some of my favorite artists.
2.When I was in 3rd grade I bullied a kid named Tristan in school. I thought she was bullying me, so I reported her to my mom. My mom told her not to be friends with Tristan. I later realized she was acting "weird" because she was deaf/blind, I think. Me and Tristan are in a good relationship, but I still feel terrible.
3.I realize that some of my grades are going down and I feel like my parents hate me and that I will end up in summer school or even suspended. I wanna go to a good high school, and enjoy my summer. I'm not one of my annoying classmates who act like dicks.
4.I'm usually an optimist who loves my world and sees silver linings. However, I've started to become really sad and upset about the world I live in. Homeless people, climate change, roberries, you-know-whats, its so stressing on me. The worst part? I CANT FUCKING CHANGE ANYTHING. Why does God allow this? Why? I JUST WANNA GIVE THE SHIT UP CUS THE FUTURE IS GONNA BE BULLSHIT.
5.I'm not totally religiously conservative, but I'm a young Muslim teen. Sadly, for a while, I feel like I have been straying from God and feel closer to Satan. I've gotten into rock music, especially KMFDM, and really want merch, and a trench coat. I also like metal/emo aesthetics, and like art with demons. I'm worried about the afterlife. Also, about KMFDM, I feel like people will insult and laugh at me for listening to an awesome band that has been associated with Columbine for 20+ years. I know that those people who say that are dumb and believe anything they see, but I worry so much that I may get insulted for my music taste.
EDN OF MY VENT